I have endometriosis.

At 32, I was told, Ludivine (because that's my name), you have endometriosis. I had just had surgery, and I didn't know I had another problem, so I replied, "Oh, okay, is it serious?" I was just told, "No, but you had pinhead-sized spots everywhere that I cauterized." I didn't understand anything, and the professor who operated on me left, and that was the end of the story. Thank you. Bye. Arrivederci.

So, without going into too much detail, I told my mother, "I also have endometriosis." You know, we're not doctors, but we have the internet, so we looked up what it meant, and I started to laugh softly, thinking that I could have been diagnosed years ago (but that's the story for many women).

I always complained about painful periods. Always. I was told, "That's how it is, there's nothing you can do, all women suffer." Well, I figured if all women suffered, I should suffer too, and in silence (it's almost biblical without being so, but you get the picture). I was once told they were "mini contractions"; I think I was 20/22 years old, and that really dampened my desire to procreate.

Anyway, I still have painful periods and still zero solutions (periods and ovulation, because when you love, you don't count the cost). I told myself, even if Antadys is your soulmate (the real ones will know), try natural remedies, maybe. Wouldn't you know, I made myself a concoction with basil essential oil (supposed to relieve pelvic pain), well, you can guess, nothing.

What makes me angry (a healthy anger) is that I am not a rare case. I mean, I'm being monitored, I complain because I'm in pain, it's not just because I want to take a painkiller. Personally, I would just like to have an alert that tells me "Oh yes, I'm going to get my period," but that's not the case. Sometimes I'm in so much pain that I'd like to tear out my uterus with my bare hands. Plus, it's deceitful; I feel it heavy, I have this sensation of organ prolapse, but lol, "that's normal, that's what it's like to be a woman." Well, I didn't sign up for that.

So I'm lucky because today I know I have endometriosis, but I know I'm much more likely than a "normal woman" to be infertile; life is funny sometimes (no). Obviously, all of this frustrates me a bit, to think that I was told because I was being operated on, otherwise, my word, my pain, a pain I had learned to silence believing it was the norm, would never have been taken into account.

Certainly, this post has nothing to do with organic panties, but I tell myself that if one in ten women suffers from it, I shouldn't be alone, so courage :)